Tour
(cold opening, Timmy walks up to the SBFW HQ with a map) Timmy: And Mummy says it should be right here! Well, here it is. The SBFW Headquarters! I've wanted to join my whole life! Well, here goes nothing. (rings doorbell) Doorbell: (repeatedly) GET THE DOOR, TRAVIS! Travis: (in the kitchen, washing the dishes, speaks after at least five 'get the door travis'') You damn fools! PolarKey: (answers door, gasps) It's Viacom! (the people in the lounge scream in horror which makes PolarKey laugh) I'm just kidding, it's some guy none of us know and probably never will. Hi, welcome to the SBFW HQ. You lost? Timmy: Nah, I wanna join. PolarKey: (stares blankly) You serious? That's the craziest thing I've heard all day. Except maybe Jasbre's attempts to put the main fanon series on hiatus. Timmy: I'm serious. I occasionally check back on your awesome website. It rocks. I decided I could help out. PolarKey: There's a whole world of FANDOM-owned HQs out there, all making and editing wikis. You sure you wanna join the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki? Timmy: Positive. PolarKey: Well, alright then. Welcome to Hell. (theme song, Timmy steps) Let me just- (fiddles with the doorbell) What I just did there was change the theme for the doorbell. (shuts door) It drives the guys in here mad. Timmy: I, uh, don't know your name. PolarKey: Oh, sorry. I got a bit too carried away there. Barbra Streisand. And you are? Timmy: Timmy, I didn't choose it. My mother did. Speaking of which, she baked you guys a casserole. I just kinda forgot to bring it with me. PolarKey: Well, why don't you go back home and- SpongeBot: You're not trying to get rid of our new buddy, are you PolarKey? PolarKey: No, SpongeBot. (whispers to Timmy as SpongeBot leaves with a shopping list) Content mod. You have to be extra careful not to offend them. Timmy: I thought your name was Barbra Streisand. PolarKey: (sigh) We use nicknames around here. It's PolarKey. Though, I try to get the folks to call me Polar. Also, you bring that up and not the robot? (cut to Sandy finishing assembling a robot in her treedome) Sandy: And wha-la! A robot. SpongeBob: Ooh. Why were you showing us how to make a robot again? Sandy: I like robots. (silence) So you're saying you don't? SpongeBob: No, I'm saying that you're saying stuff for no reason. Sandy: But I'm saying that you're saying that I'm saying- let's just stop at that. Now, we need to deliver this to Mrs. McMuffin. She's making casseroles. (cut back to the SBFW HQ, PolarKey shows Timmy the lounge) PolarKey: So, this is the SBFW Headquarters where we write fanfiction for the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki. But we're not mindless freaks like some people think, we live our lives here too. (shows Timmy the lounge) This is the lounge, where we hang out and all that stuff. It's a strictly non-political area though, so bare that in mind. Even the lightest reference to t-r-u-m-p triggers them. That's Jasbre, Calaz, Kelpy, Da Nerd, Phil, Phil: How's it going? PolarKey: FallenPower, Arch Wizard Megumin, Phil: I asked a question! PolarKey: Goku, Originator and- hey! Aren't you supposed to be in the cupboard with AndresBoniK, Jack? Jack: (thinks) No. PolarKey: OK. There's a bunch of other people but they just come and go. As you can see, they're watching anime. TV: Got a new plan, hey Uncle Sam! Look out now! We've got Cory in the House! Par-ty! Cory in the House! I'm your man! PolarKey: Let's leave them to it, it's very serious. (they walk to the kitchen) Their is one girl here by the way, her name's Ponyo but she only comes out when she wants to throw a movie night or vote on a proposal in the proposal room. I'd take you there but Travis is supposed to be cleaning it. (they head towards the work room) This way's the work room, where stuff happens. Babies are made, literally. Jasbre gave birth to five last week. Adopted. Boom. So, here it is. The work room. Computers, paper, tablets and some LEGO. It's Jasbre's. Best not to touch it. It's sterile. Timmy: Ooh. PolarKey: I'll show you the bedrooms. (cut to them in the bedroom hallway) Here we go, all the bedrooms are right here. You wanna share with someone or- Timmy: Ew. PolarKey: I thought so. (picks up his cellphone and calls someone) Sorry Travis. (puts it away and we cut to SpongeBob and Sandy knocking on Mrs. McMuffin's door with the robot, she answers) Mrs. McMuffin: Ooh, you brought me another robot to help me with my cooking? Sandy: Yep, and it's fresh out of Sandy's Treedome. Mrs. McMuffin: Why thank you, now I have enough workers to start my own restraunt. (they cheer) SpongeBob: Could we help with anything, Mrs. McMuffin? Mrs. McMuffin: I just said I have enough workers to start my own restraunt. (they cheer) SpongeBob: Could we help with anything, Mrs. McMuffin? Mrs. McMuffin: I just said I have enough workers to start my own restraunt, but there is something else you could help with. (hands SpongeBob a casserole) My son Timmy was supposed to take this casserole with him to his new apartment building. He's finally moved out, and at such a young age too. I'm really questioning the whole concept. Sandy: Congratulations. Mrs. Muffin: Now, could you take it to (hands SpongeBob the address on some paper) this address? SpongeBob: No problem, Mrs. McMuffin. Mrs. McMuffin: Thank you. I really appreciate it. See you soon. Tood-a-loo. SpongeBob and Sandy: Bye! (they walk away) Sandy; SpongeBob, do you mind handling it on your own, I have another invention to deliver. SpongeBob: No probs. See ya 'round. (cut to the SBFW HQ lounge) Phil: For someone reason I feel like (censored) a casserole. SpongeBot: But I just got back from doing the grocceries! You know what I did get though. Pizza. Kelpy: Ssh! You know what happened last time. (flashback to everyone on the wiki, minus obviously Timmy, as zombies approaching Kelpy, who's normal, who's on the computer) Zombies: Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! (repeatedly) Arch Wizard Megumin: But I'm just making a bumper for SBFW: The Series! I'm just making a bumper! PolarKey: (normal voice) Firstly, no one likes that series and, secondly, you don't need to waste your time making bumpers. Travis: (normal voice) Can I have extra meat on my (zombie tone) pizza? Zombies: Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! (cut back to present) SpongeBot: I'll surprise them at dinner. Arch Wizard Megumin: Hi guys. Kelpy: What's up, (serious voice) Arch Wizard Megumin? (Timmy comes running down screaming from upstairs) Da Nerd: You K, new guy? Timmy: (shivers) I, uh, just went in 'the office'. (they all gasp) Travis: What wonders have been waiting in there my whole life? (sprints upstairs and PolarKey cassually walks down) Arch Wizard Megumin: OK, what exactly have you done this time, PolarKey? PolarKey: I've told you many times now to just call me PolarKey, (serious voice) Arch Wizard Megumin. Arch Wizard Megumin: Hmm? PolarKey: I giving Timmy here a tour around the place and he wanted to see Ponyo's little hibernation room at the top of the building. Phil: I don't get it. What's so bad about that? (cut to Travis excitedly approaching the room which the walls leading up to it are filled with graffiti with stuff like 'Life in Bikini Bottom is Rated R', Travis slowly opens the door) Travis: Hello? (his eyes beam with light) I'm home... Jasbre: I thought you knew a lot about stuff in that department. Phil: I hire uncredited researchers on the internet for Life in Bikini Bottom, duh. (the doorbell rings with the sound this time being 'Never Gonna Give You Up') Kelpy: I'll get it. (answers door) SpongeBob: (at door with a casserole) Master McMuffin has a casserole awaiting him from his mother. Timmy: Yay! Mummy! (rushes to the door) Thank you, whoever you are. (takes the casserole) Buh-bye. (happily skips away) SpongeBob: No tip? Phil: Get lost. (slams door and we cut to the people of SBFW HQ enjoying the casserole in the lounge) SpongeBot: Well, I'd say, apart from today's 'incident', today was a big success. We got to a new member and a free casserole. Kelpy: It always tastes better when it's free. Goku: Agreed. Calaz: Agreed. Jasbre: I find it weird how we didn't check what kind of stuff was in this thing. One of us could have an allergy. PolarKey: Oh, I doubt it. This is just a stupid transcript of an episode of a show based around a wiki on a website where people make fanfiction. Timmy: Mother always puts in the best ingredients. Though, I didn't originally intend to share. In fact, I don't want to share anymore. GET YOUR OWN! (they laugh) I'M SERIOUS! GET YOUR OWN! Kelpy: You heard him. (they leave the lounge and scatter) Timmy: Oh, c'mon! Of course they leave when the only piece left was the one I was eating anyway! WHAT THE HE-(fin)